British Premiums Reviewed - the bias is real

[_Dunc_]

As a whale, I see it as my duty to mindlessly throw money at the WeeGee empire, so that SerB may eventually one day go to space, and other stuff. Also, grinding is the most unrewarding thing - I just want to derp about in boats and stuff fings, I do.

 

Anyway, as we all know Russian bias isn't really a thing in this game*, I thought I'd do a quick summary of all the Teabotes in game. Similar to LittleWhiteMouse on the NA forums, but with approx. 97% less effort.

 

*this may not be correct

 

 

Cambeltown

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Yolorushed mid on St Nazaire map. Crashed into France. Detonated.

 

Verdict: Just buy a Vampire... In fact, stop peeing in the learner pool and act your age and/or battle count.

Dreadnought

Spoiler

IRL Boat. The iPhone of the early 20th Century - changed the game for everyone, and mostly bankrupted everyone as a result.

 

Verdict: It's a Tier III BB - it's big, slow, and sometimes hits things. Eventually a nine year old in a Wickes will torp you from point blank range.

 

Exeter

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Scared Graf Spee into sinking herself, even though she was one tier higher. Got torped by Fubuki class later in the war

 

Verdict: Not so much hit with the nerf hammer during ST, as had the whole nerf anvil dropped on it from a great height to make it fit into Tier V, because reasons. Gets eaten alive by anything with, well, guns. Odd shell ballistics. So much Citadel I'm surprised Games Workshop haven't slapped a Cease & Desist on WG's arse.

 

Gallant

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Went to Dunkirk, mostly dodged a bomb. Hit a mine in the med, then failed to dodge a bomb whilst sitting in port being repaired, like a noob.

 

Verdict: Used to be the wee torp boat of doom, scooting about on the edge of detection punching 8 torps into careless battleships. Time and tide haven't been kind to her though - AA is basically a bloke waving a cricket bat at the planes. Radar proliferation at VIII also stings. What's really hurt her is the flooding rework. Just play the T-61 instead.

 

London

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Camped at the back for WW2. Later decided to try some good old fashioned 19th century gunboat diplomacy... in 1949... got the snot kicked out of her.

 

Verdict: Probably what Exeter would have been. Actually quite good for Tier VI, and unlike the rest of the heavies has smoke, thus allowing you to slow right down and present broadside before vanishing from view as all the BB shells sail merrily towards your massive citadel (see Exeter)

 

Warspite

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Super Unicum, probably used hax. Hit Giulio Cesar from a different map entirely. Went basically everywhere in the war.

 

Verdict: Once upon a time, in a beta version far far away, the hopes and dreams of us tea drinkers were encapsulated in Warspite. The first British BB, the shape of things to come, the first in what would be a fully developed tech tree stuffed with famous ships. But we got glorious Russian navy of gloriousness instead. Eventually, British BBs appeared with the meta they have now. Warspite is a glimpse into what could have been. Remarkably, still one of the better VI premiums.

 

Ark Royal

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Did CV stuff.

 

Verdict: Spreadsheet says we're all having fun when this boat is in game.

 

Belfast

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Initially commissioned as a Town class cruiser, but decided to try minesweeping instead. Once they'd put her back together again did lots of things, including keeping Scharnhorst detected with that damn radar until Duke of York could set four fires and burn it down. Now currently in the River Thames by London Bridge, go see it, it's awesome.

 

Verdict: Belfast is the reason we can't have rapid firing super stealthy HE spamming cruisers with smoke... oh, wait. In truth, it is OP, but it isn't Smolensk OP because you can actually hit the citadel of Belfast. Still farms neg reps like a Smolestor though.

 

Hood

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Actually not the glass cannon popular myth thinks it was, but some monumental RNG cemented its reputation as the biggest waste of metal and men until Yamato went for a cruise.

 

Verdict: Feels like the longest ship in game, turns like the longest ship in game. Goes like the clappers. Unusually managed to fulfil the intended IRL role of battlecruisers by being an awesome cruiser-killer. So WeeGee buffed it to stop all that nonsense by making the AP a bit better against BBs - a target it shouldn't be anywhere near, ever. Hard work now. 

 

Nelson

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Unlike a certain other all-forward design we shall not mention, this one was actually constructed, and in such a way that it could float, move, and do things.

 

Verdict: Nelson introduced us to the zombie-heal flamethrower meta for British BBs, and for a while was the original troll wagon. Eats torps, burns like a petrol station, and the citadel starts somewhere above the funnel. Still hilarious when there's no CVs, long range torps, or Russian BBs in the match. So basically never. Just play it for the memes.

 

Duke of York

Spoiler

IRL Boat. The penultimate British battleship design launched. Ripped Scharnhorst a new one, and then played for team letting the DDs finish the job.

 

Verdict: Bordering on best VII BB in game, depending on your playstyle, good detection, silly HE, and Press T to print new boat. Of course, this kind of thing couldn't continue and the citadel was moved to outside the boat to give all the under-performing RU BBs a fighting chance. Gun suffer from inexplicably bad dispersion from time to time. The most useable of the premium BBs

 

Cossack

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Neutrality is for noobs. Unfortunately took a U-Boat torp to the face, which is remarkable given how small a target she was.

 

Verdict: To quote the late, great, Clarence Boddicker "Guns! Guns! Guns!". This is a gunboat's gunboat. Will quite happily take on anything at and above her, and munches through distracted cruisers. AA remains as per her little sister, Gallant, only this time they've given Cricket Bat Guy a couple of balls to thwack at those dashed unsporting planes. 

 

Cheshire

Spoiler

Pretend Boat. Finally, after a dozen ships that actually existed as ships and did ship stuff, we arrive at a pretend ship. However, unlike other pretend ships, this was designed by a nation that actually sailed their ships further than the end of the harbour wall, and understood things like buoyancy, freeboard, crew accommodation, metallurgy, and stuff. Thus, it looks like a ship that can do all the boaty things that it would have needed to do.

 

Verdict: Two games in, seems to follow the RN heavy cruiser theme of FOR CHRISSAKES DON'T GET HIT. Bit smaller than the Abysmal Albermarle, and the better for it.

 

Vanguard

Spoiler

IRL Boat. Turned up late for the party after everyone had drunk the place dry and sobered up. Mooched about looking pretty. Shipped some hereditary rich gits about. Government got tired of pouring money into massive submarine target and traded it in for three pints and a bag of chips. 

 

Verdict: Not the weakest VIII BB, but lacks anything to work with. More like Warspite in that AP is the weapon of choice, and it turns well. Just wish the Royal Navy had thought to put the citadel somewhere it wouldn't get hit... like inside the hull. Looks nice though, and y'know, actually was a real boat what sailed the seven seas. 

 

Indomitablebleble

Spoiler

IRL Boat. It's amazing how many boats the apparently minor naval power Britain had, isn't it?

 

Verdict: Naval Flying Sim 2020. From a non-CV perspective, probably the most balanced CV because it lack alpha strike, and can get de-planed very quickly if you're not paying attention. Harasser and damage over time. Needs at least 15 minutes of gameplay to rack up any damage. Which is kind of a problem these days

 

Thunderer

Spoiler

Pretend Boat: Loosely based as a development of the King George V class battleships. So continues with amazing concepts as freeboard, a bow that would work, buoyancy considerations, and size-weight ratio permissible under Newtonian laws.

 

Verdict: A stroke of WeeGee genius - take the Conqueror config that nobody played because it was terrible, and make it a premium/special ship. Only, inexplicably, make the AP work properly. This thing is really good, and if you're facing things at funny angles, then just resort to HE spamming things to death. 

 

[MrFingers]

And not a word was lied here... Painfully accurate, and equally hilarious. I can testify for the majority of the ships mentioned here (see signature).

[Bindolaf_Werebane]

I love it! Thanks for your efforts. (What about the Vampire)?

[invicta2012]

And to follow:

 

HMS Tiger

 

Most new modern and handsome battlecruiser in the fleet. Therefore it had to be given a crew of convicts and ne'er do wells and be made part of the battlecruiser squadron commanded by a buffoon who thought he was Nelson. Couldn't hit a cow's backside with a banjo. Nearly made it to the Second World War before the Admiralty decided "LOL, Nope". Cannot be in World of Warships due to a) not being German and b) not being pink and captained by a screaming Japanese schoolgirl. 

 

HMS Hardy

 

H Class flotilla leader. Bravely sailed up the fjords of Norway to give the Boche a bloody nose before running into the Boche's mates on the way out and getting blown to smithereens. Tea and (posthumous) medals all round. The Admiralty - again - decided the correct response to this was "LOL, Nope" and sailed the Warspite back up the fjord to Sort It Out in a Jason Statham sort of way. Cannot be in World of Warships because: Gallant's already in Tier VI and you can't have more than one RN Premium DD. 

 

HMS Sheffield

 

Town class cruiser with a massively distinguished wartime career. First radar equipped cruiser in the Royal Navy. Shadowed the Bismarck. Engaged the Hipper. Pursued the Scharnhorst at the Battle of the North Cape. Invented torpedobeats when the Ark Royal's planes mistook it for a large and particularly German battleship and dropped a dozen torpedoes on it. Admiralty cable to commander of Ark's air wing: "LOL, Nope".  Cannot be in World of Warships because: famous and distinguished and real.

 

HMS Cavalier

 

Not particularly distinguished C-class destroyer, now an excellent museum ship. Ideal Tier VII RN DD Premium. Cannot be in World of Warships because WG: "LOL, Nope". 

[lossi_2018]

One of the great posts in here historically. Well done sir :)

[Logan_MountStuart]

1 hour ago, _Dunc_ said:

As a whale, I see it as my duty to mindlessly throw money at the WeeGee empire, so that SerB may eventually one day go to space, and other stuff. Also, grinding is the most unrewarding thing - I just want to derp about in boats and stuff fings, I do.

 

Anyway, as we all know Russian bias isn't really a thing in this game*, I thought I'd do a quick summary of all the Teabotes in game. Similar to LittleWhiteMouse on the NA forums, but with approx. 97% less effort.

 

*this may not be correct

 

 

 

 

Easily the funniest and now my favourite post of all time in WoWS! 

[DanSilverwing]

I would give you two upvotes, if I could. One for making me laugh, and one for the ship collection 

[MrFingers]

HMS Royal Sovereign

 

IRL Boat: A ship predestined for its further career by not being ready for the Battle of Jutland, and thus did absolutely nothing worthwhile during the rest of WW1. Didn't do much either during the interwar period either, and during WW2 did some nanny-work for some merchants, and was left behind when the RN-squadron spotted some Italian destroyers. Was then handed over to the Soviets as Arkhangelsk and... did, apart from some nanny-work absolutely nothing over there either according to our sources... She was handed over back to the British after the Soviets acquired the Guilio Cesare (because OP!). Ballistic guidance was done by the Hand of Stalin ™  and thus the ship returned with a turret-traverse speed of 0°/second. The Clipped Toenail of Churchill ^® proved to be not so great as rangefinder, so the ship was scrapped and turned into a telescope.

 

Verdict: In the game: Sekrit Dokuments however stipulate action in the Baltic, the Black Sea and off the coast of Japan all within 3 days time, the ship being demounted and transported via the Transsiberian railroad... The ship will come with WD40 turrets (due to game-engine limitations) to simulate the HoS-guidance system, an automatic heal and a reduced repair bill, because glorious Soviet maintainance. The ship will be placed as a T5 in the Russian techtree, because glorious Soviet shipbuilding capabilities!

[Saltface]

Loved it.

 

Like others said I wish I could upvote twice

 

[lovelacebeer]

A fantastic assessment of the ships both in real life and in game but with a wonderful humour too

[Gvozdika]

10/10 - brilliant and oh so true!

 

I'd love to do a RU Premium equivalent but it would just look like this:

 

Smolensk

IRL - Error 404 Actual Ship Not Found

Ingame - ########## ###### #####ing ####### stupid ######### ####### 

 

Stalingrad

IRL - Error 404 Actual Ship Not Found

Ingame - Complete load of ################ ######## dreamed up by a ########### who obviously ############# ##########

 

Lenin 

IRL - Error 404 Actual Ship not...

 

 

....you get the idea.

 

[_Dunc_]

7 minutes ago, Gvozdika said:

I'd love to do a RU Premium equivalent but it would just look like this:

 

 

Well...

 

I've got most of the RU premiums... and it would be a simple copy-pasta exercise, apart from the inexplicably balanced Kronshtadt which is only mostly OP, instead of completely. 

[HaachamaShipping]

Although I might get downvoted to hell for it: I don't see the point.

 

If you want to whine about Russian bias, feel free to talk about that. But if you want to complain that British ships are not competitive, then, please no. Most of them pretty much are solid designs that do a solid job. Even the ones you complain about like Gallant or Exeter are basically power-level wise in line with other similar ships you find at those levels. If they get outshined by ships like T-61, well, duh, can't blame Russian bias on that one. That's like complaining that Oktyabrskaya Revolutsiya is crap cause it isn't Giulio or that any T7 cruiser is bad because they aren't Belfast. And Hood may not turn exceptionally well, but with such an hp pool, that armour scheme and that speed, it's hard to complain. Guns are accurate and while low pen, have improved ricochet angles.

 

British premiums are pretty much where every nations premiums are, a few look meh, a few are good and still define the competitive meta at their tier, most are inbetween. You find the same with the IJN, the USN, the KM, etc. Even looking at Russian premium bias, the main tiers where it goes beyond the BB are T5 (the rare Gremyashy), T8 (Kutuzov) and T10 (Smolensk*) and even then the RN got something at T10 now with Thunderer that can be used even in competitive.

 

*not counting Stalingrad, because it's a strong ship, but not stupidly busted like Smolensk. If I had to count Stalingrad, then we'd have to count pretty much any T10 design that is competitive, just to put it into perspective. In contrast, Gremyashy is just the best T5 DD, the way Belfast is still an OP cruiser. And you might say Belfast is not as strong as Smolensk, because it has a cit, but on the other hand, does Smolensk carry a radar and a concealment mod that allows its concealment to drop dangerously close to radar range? For a T7, Belfast still is a very powerful design, covering way more bases than Smolensk does.

[The_White_Whale]

The Duke of York's strength is actually it's improved AP, it has US CA angles and can do real work. But the reload is 29.5s, making the KGV the better HE spammer and driving me mad by have a 29.5s reload. Why .5 WG? Would a whole number have been too much?

 

 

The Vanguard is mildly infuriating too, a floating radar powerhouse with everything from the main guns, to the secondaries and even the onboard kettles being powered by their own remote radar guided fire control, an entire hull dedicated to every lesson learnt in damage control and survability, no thought spared when it came to counter flooding or redundancy. A beast that never got to cut it's teeth. So obviously in game it has naff range, no consumables, the wrong secondaries and is balanced with 'lol, buff rudder shift'.

 

 

The Warspite was the ultimate tease, great gunnery, potent secondaries but with flaws that you had to navigate around. A rewarding ship when played well and a solid basis for a future line... But clearly that was too much work so enjoy HE spam instead!

 

 

 

 

[Seaman_Staines1]

5 hours ago, _Dunc_ said:

AA is basically a bloke waving a cricket bat at the planes

[mitchell600]

I woke up to this on a saturday morning.

My weekend has been made! 

Thanks for the gigles

[SeaWolf7]

Great Post. Historical accuracy with comedy Genius.

Thank you for all the effort. 

[MementoMori_6030]

Vor 12 Stunden, invicta2012 sagte:

And to follow:

HMS Agincourt

Cannot be in WoWs because 14 main guns are more than even the preliminary delusion idea of a blueprint of a never built Russian BB ever had. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Agincourt_(1913)

 

[_Dunc_]

8 hours ago, The_White_Whale said:

The Duke of York's strength is actually it's improved AP, it has US CA angles and can do real work. But the reload is 29.5s, making the KGV the better HE spammer and driving me mad by have a 29.5s reload. Why .5 WG? Would a whole number have been too much?

 

 

The Vanguard is mildly infuriating too, a floating radar powerhouse with everything from the main guns, to the secondaries and even the onboard kettles being powered by their own remote radar guided fire control, an entire hull dedicated to every lesson learnt in damage control and survability, no thought spared when it came to counter flooding or redundancy. A beast that never got to cut it's teeth. So obviously in game it has naff range, no consumables, the wrong secondaries and is balanced with 'lol, buff rudder shift'.

 

 

The Warspite was the ultimate tease, great gunnery, potent secondaries but with flaws that you had to navigate around. A rewarding ship when played well and a solid basis for a future line... But clearly that was too much work so enjoy HE spam instead!

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I forgot about DoY's AP - it's my most played ship, but since the matchmaker tweaking to help Tier VIII made VII worse, I've hardly played it. 

 

Vanguard is the same for me - the last battleship ever built, and as you say encompassing all the lessons learned, and he we have this oddly dull VIII ship which sometimes works, but mostly doesn't, and has to obvious strengths to play to. 

[_Dunc_]

9 hours ago, Bunny_Lover_Kallen said:

Although I might get downvoted to hell for it: I don't see the point.

 

If you want to whine about Russian bias, feel free to talk about that. But if you want to complain that British ships are not competitive, then, please no. Most of them pretty much are solid designs that do a solid job. Even the ones you complain about like Gallant or Exeter are basically power-level wise in line with other similar ships you find at those levels. If they get outshined by ships like T-61, well, duh, can't blame Russian bias on that one. That's like complaining that Oktyabrskaya Revolutsiya is crap cause it isn't Giulio or that any T7 cruiser is bad because they aren't Belfast. And Hood may not turn exceptionally well, but with such an hp pool, that armour scheme and that speed, it's hard to complain. Guns are accurate and while low pen, have improved ricochet angles.

 

British premiums are pretty much where every nations premiums are, a few look meh, a few are good and still define the competitive meta at their tier, most are inbetween. You find the same with the IJN, the USN, the KM, etc. Even looking at Russian premium bias, the main tiers where it goes beyond the BB are T5 (the rare Gremyashy), T8 (Kutuzov) and T10 (Smolensk*) and even then the RN got something at T10 now with Thunderer that can be used even in competitive.

 

*not counting Stalingrad, because it's a strong ship, but not stupidly busted like Smolensk. If I had to count Stalingrad, then we'd have to count pretty much any T10 design that is competitive, just to put it into perspective. In contrast, Gremyashy is just the best T5 DD, the way Belfast is still an OP cruiser. And you might say Belfast is not as strong as Smolensk, because it has a cit, but on the other hand, does Smolensk carry a radar and a concealment mod that allows its concealment to drop dangerously close to radar range? For a T7, Belfast still is a very powerful design, covering way more bases than Smolensk does.

I think you might be taking my post a bit too seriously.

 

As for Belfast - it's OP, but I don't feel the need to shower after each game like I do the Smolensk. The Belfast has a number of glaring faults - it has to get fairly close, is slow to get moving, is the size of a cruiser, gets citadelled easily, and has no defensive torps. The Smol is DD sized, with DD agility, can relocate quicker, and has far more stand-off ability that anything this side of a Lazo or French cruiser. You can't rush it to force it from smoke unless your torpedo beats are strong. 

[DFens_666]

21 minutes ago, _Dunc_ said:

You can't rush it to force it from smoke unless your torpedo beats are strong. 

 

Ive rushed 2x smolensk twice so far, killing both each time. Once with Montana, other with Stalingrad. Without a CV, i would have survived in the Monty, but i survived with Stalingrad.

Panicking is often the worst thing you can do against a Smolensk. When you stop and start to reverse, he can easily hit any section to set you on fire everywhere. And you cant escape fast enough.

[_Dunc_]

8 minutes ago, DFens_666 said:

 

Ive rushed 2x smolensk twice so far, killing both each time. Once with Montana, other with Stalingrad. Without a CV, i would have survived in the Monty, but i survived with Stalingrad.

Panicking is often the worst thing you can do against a Smolensk. When you stop and start to reverse, he can easily hit any section to set you on fire everywhere. And you cant escape fast enough.

 

If you're in a situation where a Monty can rush your Smol, you're probably doing it wrong. 

 

But yeah, above applies to the Belfast too - the intuitive thing is to run away from the HE murder you can't see, rather than drive at it. 

[tinvek]

strong contender for post of the year / decade / century / millennium 

[illy]

1 hour ago, MementoMori_6030 said:

HMS Agincourt

Cannot be in WoWs because 14 main guns are more than even the preliminary delusion idea of a blueprint of a never built Russian BB ever had. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Agincourt_(1913)

 

i believe the AA was a bloke with a bow and arrow 

[MadBadDave]

13 hours ago, invicta2012 said:

HMS Sheffield

 

Town class cruiser with a massively distinguished wartime career. First radar equipped cruiser in the Royal Navy. Shadowed the Bismarck. Engaged the Hipper. Pursued the Scharnhorst at the Battle of the North Cape. Invented torpedobeats when the Ark Royal's planes mistook it for a large and particularly German battleship and dropped a dozen torpedoes on it. Admiralty cable to commander of Ark's air wing: "LOL, Nope".  Cannot be in World of Warships because: famous and distinguished and real.

Shiny Sheff, also a movie star (HMS AJAX in Battle of the River plate, up against USS SALEM), just don't know why such a illustrious naval country (Russia), wouldn't want  the Sheff in a Russian game  , the read about Sheff is very interesting, it would interesting to know if they hadn't had to scrap the sheff (they wanted to keep it as a museum ship), whether Belfast would still be on the thames ?.

 

The sheff has more battle honours in the 2nd world war than the entire Russian Navy has in the last 100 years, if it were sheff-ski it would be an uber smolensk .  It's a PROPER warship, and not Russian so no chance of ever being in game.