Saga of the Drunken Noob - Misadventures and wilful ignorance exploring the game (by a noob, for noobs)

[Vikingnewt]

First and foremost - some background.

I completely suck at world of tanks, i hated world of warplanes (hurts to play a flight game where rl training and "full controls" actually hinder me) and my only experiences with WOWs has been what quickybaby and jingles have shown me.

 

so i took advantage of the CBT access with the preorder (and indecisivness cost me for the full pack) and with no further adoo, proceeded to start the download.

First Impressions.

ho-lee-schitt this game is beautiful. - i think i literally lost an hour of my life just going through all the ships in the tech tree and drooling. the port area is gorgeous, the sea is gorgeous, and my lack of sex life would probably have me fapping over just these details if it wasn't for my complete lack of patience as i jumped into an erie.

5 games later as resounding victories and i thought i had this down, i'd unlocked the chester and chikuma, i was a lord of the sea!  "ding, random battles are now avaliable". only now realising that i had been playing against very good bots (should have twigged when pablo sank me twice) my heart sank a little, just like my ships did over the next ten frustrating matches. - testing out the grem, the sims and the yubbie that i'd paid for with cold hard cash... they certainly aren't e25's or kv5's, especially not when playtesting the sims led me to a game where all but two on each team, were sim's - it kinda destroys the ability to test things and get a feel for how a vessel fares in different situations when you are faced with a horde of clones, but i guess with the recent influx of players like myself, it's inevitable at this stage.

 

things i learned in my first ten random battles -

the premium ships are vastly different.
destroyers seem to function a little like light tanks in WoT. at least i seem to get one shotted alot.

the grem is good for reversing out from behind an island and then powering forwards again before their torps hit (2 kills!)

*i should have learned how to target AA before the third time i was sunk by a bomber.

 

game 15 - my first battleship! - this actually coincides with unlocking commanders, and since there was an irritating 250 gold over the 4k you get with the preorder i thought "why not" and gave him 3 skill points. i'll be doing the same with my first aircraft carrier, but that's by the by.

also, isnt 5k silver incredibly cheap for a skillpoint? lets see how things progress... skills and perks are at least torturously slow in WoT.

smiling a little i decided to just upgrade the kawachi all the way and hit the battle button.

 

as with any loss of virginity, it was a combination of outright embarrassment, stupidity and funny noises as i proceeded to become seperated from everyone almost from the getgo. i've clearly gotten used to better ranges than this ship has. and i paid a heavy price for it and suffered a resounding defeat as before i could fire my 3rd salvo at the enemy, two detroyers came steaming around the island and the noble beast took not one, but two full salvoes of torps and went down to party with sebastian. 

now its time for a cup of coffee and a smoke, while i rethink... everything i know about playing WG games.

grats WG on another client filled with digital crack

*******

 

my rl friend is now in, and im finding that i honestly learn alot more teaching him. after my next dose of nicotine we are starting random battles together.

 

i threw out anything i knew about WG games the second i'd gone through those first few random games and forced myself to watch some more quickybaby and jingles (youtube, watch those guys....) and proceeded to suck, just a little less.

i mean for comparisonal purpouses you could say i've graduated from blowing goats to sheep.. still blow, but at least its softer ^^

 

oh, and a big sorry to the two friendly battleships i killed the first time i ever fired a torpedo, was not prepared for the devestation they cause!

 

******

on betalove: a finnish guy and myself, on the same team, eate achothers torpedo's. and instead of being toxic like some of the other posts on here we decided to platoon it up, laugh and spend a few games learning how to use torpedo's... much to everyones annoyance.

my main gripes with torpedos now involve teammates that turn into them.

******

DAY 2

IJN DD vs USN DD.... the hell is the difference?

after yesterday's experience the tale continues, fortified by a good measure of rum in my coffee ii proceeded to my first game of the day. testing out the t2 americanru destroyeru (i might, at this point, be turningeru japaneseru)  full steam ahead! the weather in game for once mirroring the glorious one day of sunshine bergen,norway see's each year (being thoroughly ignored) and i motor in at full effect positioning myself neatly behind a battleship with a cruiser trying to catch up with the only real firepower on our team as we head to the north island. reaching our apex i pop smoke to give cover to our little part of the flotilla, and cannons begin roaring, an enemy cruiser looks set to try and engage our BB (bust supiciously seems to be aiming for me, realising all was lost for him) and i put two flights of torpedo's in the water... with bated breath i count down the seconds before 3 torps connect directly, leaving him with little enough health that a warning shot from the battleship finishes him off.

satisfied i cut engines, preparing to continue escorting the battleship, our captains raise a rum to eachother from their respective bridges when the torpedo alarm begins to sound.

scanning the sea frantically in the direction of the enemy i see nothing, ive got 20 seconds left before i can pop more smoke, emergency maneuvers are engaged as i knuckle to port at full steam, when the lookout shouts "torpedo's astern!"  looking behind me i see an identical friendly DD, and a brace of torpedo's that could have come from no other eyeing up my virginal stern. too late to gather any significant speed one of them impacts square to my stern, penetrating deep and igniting my coal buckets (seriously, what do they use for fuel?) and the battleship similarly takes an impact.  as my ship rejoins the party under the sea (cause darling it's better down where it's wetter) and the BB player starts screaming blue murder in chat i look at teh situation, from my new vantage point hovering like a ghost over my rapist's ship.

an enemy cruiser, motoring past the island we were using as cover, 12km out, that those torps could have theoretically been for.... had it not been for the DD BB and goddamn rocks in the way, or had he had a few km more range (like, double)

so i B2P in a bit of a rage hissing and spitting that my bromantic toast with a fellow captain at the death of an enemy had been cut short. so i add my rapist to contacts, and ask him "yo dude, what the crap man, use lube lololol!!TOLO1" or something equally retarded, i don't remember, chatlogs are for people who dont drink at 9am in the morning.

so i find out that like me, he started yesterday, and it was the first time he had fired torps.  the discussion led us both to agree that torps do a suprisingly huge amount of damage, which we like, and we ended up in agreement that said damage was probably better applied to the enemy.

so we platooned up and prioceeded to teach eachother some more.

my plan for today is now to try and find that finnish guy from yesterday, and throw 3 idiots with torps into the middle of the enemy.

so if you see us in the random battle, RUN (if you're on our side, enemies are welcome to come snuggle)

 

*****

Flight of the .... dodo.

 

finally i unlocked an aircraft carrier, spent some gold on a new slot, wasted all of my freexp just upgrading things because raisins, and went to sea again, the terrain seemed familiar and i recognised the exact spot i'd died the two previous games, and swore to avoid there (foreshadowing much?)  the game starts, i launch both flights that i have, and set the autopilot to take me north along the map edge away from where i was.

 

after a few seconds of fiddling, i sort of work out how to aim the torp bombers, and set my fighters to annoy a destroyer when i hit a snag - my torp bombers were sent to broadside an isolated tier 6BB, everything seemed perfect, the alignments, EVERYTHING. at which point my torpedo bombers proceded to do a red arrows impersonation in the sky, or dance, or whatever. long story short they remained almost motionless in the sky for about 15 seconds before dropping torps along their original flightpath, which was now far far far too late to hit the bb in any way. - would be interesting to know what happened there as i flew them in on his port side, everything was set for a close drop and boom, and i seem to have been buggered by my pilots love of rum, which now appears to equal that of my captains... not that my anger lasted too long, as 15+km shots came arcing over the islands and i recieved a tonne of citadelhits.

 

as a side observation - when one goes back to port, and you get the vicotry message up, how the hell do i look at the stats for that ???

driving me mental as i frequently b2p to attempt to fill the seas with sunken metal...

 

*****

Day 3, In which the protagonist gets a raging erection, and realises his continued impotence.

 

so its the start of my 3rd day playing this beautiful game, i've deliberately avoided snaking up the tech tree to try and get a good feel for different ships instead of doing my usual "ooh shiny" and hoppity upski in an everlasting quest for a bigger gun. 3 guesses as to how that went ^^

 

my first observation that i had as i woke up on this beautiful spring day (two days of sunshine in a row in bergen? the HELL?) was that i had a thumping headache, and a serving wench in my bed that was not entirely keen on following her captains orders regarding the making of the bacon. for which i assure you she has been disciplined.  my second observation was that my computer was engaged, and that i could faintly hear the sea... now this isnt too unusual given that bergen is a coastal city and i can literally spit from my balcony into davey jones.  no, what was unusual was that the sounds of the sea were emanating from my computer, and my rather powerful 7.1 sound system... moving the mouse i discovered to my growing horror that i had not only been listening to the anthem of the USSR, but such classics as la bouche and scooter.  oh and i seem to have bored the tits off the wenches that drank my rum by insisting they admired the size of my battleships (in game, sadly).

 

not for the first time, i wish that WG had some sort of breathalyser function as part of the login to the game.

 

sure enough i'd apparently decided to convert ALL of my doubloons to experience and 3 point captains, even on my umikaze (where the previous itinerant was already saving for his 8th point) and with growing apprehension, looked at my service record.... i'd played 5 games. and lost them, but at elast i now have almsot 40,000 free xp....

now im eternally grateful that i clearly only had time for four games in my drunken, after drinking party mood to play four games, showcasing WoWs to a group of most likely uninterested young women, flashbacks of gropey hands and deliberate distraction would seem to jog my memory that maybe, just maybe they weren't visiting to admire the graphics, or blistering attention to detail, or the sound of the main cannons (my subwoofer was set to max... sorry neighbors) and that maybe i should be less of a drunken tit, and aim to actually give some sort of proper indication and/or review, that might be useful beyond the bounds of a cheap chuckle before we torpedo our teammates again.

 

so without further adoo, today is dedicated to the real reason i would have donated a kidney to WG in order to join the testing (the 3 in 1 was massively cheaper) - BATTLESHEEPS!!!!

 

The BattleSheep - as compact as an american tourist(1), as environmentally friendly as a saturn V rocket(2), and so blatantly an example of national [edited] waving and jingoism that you would be forgiven for thinking that most nations on earth are represented by some severely underwhelming men, with yamatoo-much to compensate for(3)

 

and every bit as sluggish and clunky as one would expect.

 

Now BattleSheeps have many functions in game... they take a pounding (theoretically)(4), give a 152mm+ Fisting to rival the worst porn to be found on the internet and require a concerted effort to remove as a threat.  and it's a good thing that i've found NONE of these points to be true in my incredible 5 games of dedicated testing (5)

 

now i'm terrible with names, the tier 4 battlesheep, kim? kerry?, kylie? was something i'd looked forwards to with trepidation, you can read further upwards as to how losing that particular virginity went, namely down faster than a call girl at an oscars afterparty. and functioning pretty damned well in the second game  i'd had where i actually sank multiple ships (3 destroyers in 3 shots.. they got too close, but then i ate torps.) which led me to actually notice something else about Battlesheeps... secondary armaments.

 

now, as you may have all noticed, in the spirit of doing this as a complete noob/idiot/alcoholic i've often been doing things WITHOUT reading any guides (beyond watchign a few quickybaby and mighty jingles vids, usually drunk, with my hand in my pants) and a wilful ignorance of any and all helpful advice (screaming at me in chat to stop launching torps is advice right?) so i was joyfully unaware of the secondary armaments beyond AA (which i learned about after the 3rd time i was torpedo bombered)

but these are frankly... underwhelming. and clearly manned by drunken monkeys as in the time it took for my secondaries to hit a DD at 1km range ONCE i'd finsihed rotating my turrets on the starboard side onto him and one shotted him before he could reload after his badly aimed first salvo. sadly i was .5 of a second too late to stop the second salvo.

 

i can understand secondaries being underplayed deliberately for game reasons... but it seems highly logical to me that they SHOULD suffer horrible accuracy at say4-5km... but i also think that a DD within the firing arcs of these weapons and within 2km should be shredded in seconds... as it is even i've yet to find a BB i dont fear to get insanely close to in a fragile little flower in order to torp...

 

main armaments are exactly what you expect however, big boom, slow, insane damage on a hit and as accurate at longer ranges as a drunken insurgent with a broken AK.

 

I'm heading into game again now to get 5 games in with the miriam/magda/myogi before i write up more, and yes believe it or not, this is me trying to make my post more informative and helpful to my fellow noobs

 

(1)seriously, i've been to america, you are beautiful people, why do you only send the fat ones? is it to induce world hunger to help monsanto?

(2) guesstimate, they do usually operate for longer... on earth.

(3) yes, a [edited] joke. because i'm crass.

(4) i'm a little proud i didn't repeat (3) here

(5)as i'm pulling through a hangover, this counts as a full working day, be happy.

[Boevebeest]

My tip for you.

 

Forget everything you know and have learned about WoT. This is a completely different game.

You have to start from scratch again.

 

One positive thing, the learning curve is not that steep compared to WoT.

To become half a decent player in WoT you have had around 1250 games, in WoWS you can have the basics down in about 150 games.

[Temptis]

I only had the time for 11 games on my first day but i did not need more to unlock and finish the daily missions.

i got my [edited]handed to me in the Sims

i did pretty good in the Gemjaschtschi

i had a blast in the Yubari

i managed to kill 2 ships with Torps

i managed to not kill a friendly ship with Torps, partly because a Teammate got killed by enemy torps before mine hit him (and i am not entirely sure what he was doing where he was)

 

the biggest thing i found about this game is timing and positioning.

shooting and hitting stuff did not turn out to be such a big deal as i suspected.

evading shots did turn out to be the big deal i suspected.

 

looking forward to more games tonight.

[HellsFists]

Great and funny review, and glad you are enjoying the game! But i would re-itter Brick-128's advice. 

 

As tempting as it is, i would strongly advise refraining from drawing comparisons with WoT. They are very different games as im sure your next 100 matches will teach you. 

 

Have fun though!

[RambaRal]

"5 games later as resounding victories and i thought i had this down, i'd unlocked the chester and chikuma, i was a lord of the sea!  "ding, random battles are now avaliable". only now realising that i had been playing against very good bots (should have twigged when pablo sank me twice) my heart sank a little, just like my ships did over the next ten frustrating matches."

 

It was embarassing wasn't it? :brofist: :doh:

[Hanszeehock]

@Vikingnewt - great post, enjoyed reading it. Everyone is crap at the start. It's just that some people are better at learning from it and you seem like one of those ! 

 

[xCaptainObviousx]

 5 games later as resounding victories and i thought i had this down, i'd unlocked the chester and chikuma, i was a lord of the sea!  "ding, random battles are now avaliable". only now realising that i had been playing against very good bots

 

You should have seen my first battle during the weekend test.

 

I load into the battle and is greeted by a teammate going "Kto pl?" in the all chat. 20 sec later he repeats it but with more question marks. After not getting any response (from the bots) he lets out a string of klingon curses and starts teamkilling us. Before leaving the battle he finally types something that is somewhat understandable "Fuknoob rude bad player, gam suck wot"

 

I'm like "the F just happened?"

[Silu_0]

My download is at 95%, every goddamn post on this forum makes me so excited I don't even... I mean I'm an old gamer and I don't remember when I was so hyped for any game. 

 

BTW, which nation is more noob friendly? What are the major differences between the two? The most general characteristics, like in WOT: USA - tough turrets, weak hulls, gun depression. Russian: big damage, average penetration, good armor etc...

[asukamaru]

USA is more friendly in the long term, but frankly you should choose/test all lines to give you a better idea.

[Et_Lanatus_baro]

great post from the OP  its a great game when you nail the basics, positioning awareness of your enemy but most importantly your team mates is key and NEVER EVER EEEEVER stop moving unless your in smoke and even then its questionable your aiming of the big guns will come with more games you play, one of my fav aspects of this game is that its made for team play, get this right and it makes it even more fun especially if your in a division with friends.

 

ALso someone asked which is more noob freindly thats defo the US line but try them all I'm personally loving the IJN Crusier line the Mogami is an exceptionable ship.

 

See you on the sea's sailors.

[Vikingnewt]

my rl friend is now in, and im finding that i honestly learn alot more teaching him. after my next dose of nicotine we are starting random battles together.

 

i threw out anything i knew about WG games the second i'd gone through those first few random games and forced myself to watch some more quickybaby and jingles (youtube, watch those guys....) and proceeded to suck, just a little less.

i mean for comparisonal purpouses you could say i've graduated from blowing goats to sheep.. still blow, but at least its softer ^^

 

oh, and a big sorry to the two friendly battleships i killed the first time i ever fired a torpedo, was not prepared for the devestation they cause!

[OldJoe]

One thing all WG titles, and this one especially, have in common: situation awareness is critical. Always have an eye on the minimap and you'll do fine.

 

Oh and another thing I forgot - don't return to port when your ship is being converted into a submarine. Keep watching and learn which maneuvers and tactics are good and which are bad...

[mattman1000]

@Vikingnewt - an enjoyable post/read, thanx

[Hedgehog1963]

I've decided I'm not even going to touch my premium ships until I have researched regular ships of the same tier and class. I think playing in them as an out and out noob would be the same as buying a Löwe in WoT with only 50 battles under my belt. We see it all the time but the only pwople who get anything out of that is the opposition.

 

I secided that even as I bought them.  What I wanted was access to the CBT.

 

[Broevaharo]

Nice thread m8, was good reading and ofcourse welcome to CBT

[Vikingnewt]

so a finnish guy on my team ate my torpedo, then i ate his. and now we are friends! betalove!

[Shepbur]

my rl friend is now in, and im finding that i honestly learn alot more teaching him.

Welcome to the joy of teaching other people ;) You learn about twice as much as they do! 

If you want more support regarding tactics and things to look out for, there have been a load of guides written by some of the more experienced testers in the game in the newcomers section. They're all worth reading and you'll learn alot about how you can improve your gameplay, and probably a few things about how other players might be thinking and learn to counter it

 

I'm glad to see you're enjoying the game alot though, and i hope to see you around in a battle some day!

 

P.S. you should pop into the official TS every now and then as there are a load of fun people to chat to and play with... As long as you're not in the same division as JeeWeeJ or Exodude, you're quids in!

[T0byJug]

 

You should have seen my first battle during the weekend test.

 

I load into the battle and is greeted by a teammate going "Kto pl?" in the all chat. 20 sec later he repeats it but with more question marks. After not getting any response (from the bots) he lets out a string of klingon curses and starts teamkilling us. Before leaving the battle he finally types something that is somewhat understandable "Fuknoob rude bad player, gam suck wot"

 

I'm like "the F just happened?"

 

LOL weekend test was when damage to freandly ships by ramming was the same as it is currently when you hit an enamy (or at least a lot worse)! my first game!! Looking at the georgus ships!!! then sank  me and another NOOB hit each other before we even fired a shot! next game i got Torped by a freindly 2 mins in to match.

 

So OP is doing rather Well

[Temptis]

P.S. you should pop into the official TS every now and then as there are a load of fun people to chat to and play with... As long as you're not in the same division as JeeWeeJ or Exodude, you're quids in!

 

which server is that?

[dennez]

so a finnish guy on my team ate my torpedo, then i ate his. and now we are friends! betalove!

 

Ah.. beta love.. Such a beautiful thing.. 

 

 

[PhroX]

so a finnish guy on my team ate my torpedo, then i ate his. and now we are friends! betalove!

 

Was his name Tom by any chance?

[Vikingnewt]

well now my captain has reached level six after i persuaded a swedish guy to experience the game, and spend his money to get in for practice, aswell as another flatmate.... starting to hope we get to playtest clan matches etc already  really liking the modules, and dont feel that they are OP or must haves in any way (although that 2m silver i'd saved up is... gone.)

although i'm slightly jealous as it seems the guy has a natural knack for the tactics and steering, where my captain appears to have gotten severely into the rum.

 

25 matches and victories still at over 50%... certainly hope i can stay ahead of the curve when this goes live as in WoT i need over 800 victories more than defeats to get back to 50%


 

My download is at 95%, every goddamn post on this forum makes me so excited I don't even... I mean I'm an old gamer and I don't remember when I was so hyped for any game. 

 

BTW, which nation is more noob friendly? What are the major differences between the two? The most general characteristics, like in WOT: USA - tough turrets, weak hulls, gun depression. Russian: big damage, average penetration, good armor etc...

 - i'm finding everything to be a blast, although the american cruisers are more "noob Friendly" in my current experience, however there are so many of them rocking the shores that its not uncommon for me to have to wait almost 3 minutes for a match if i'm not platooned with my friend in a dd

guess it rewards you for trying everything and being crazy... certainly looking forwards to getting my friends up in level enough to unlock the carrier and learn how to not suck in that

try everything, it's beta, and more importantly... our stats will reset when the game goes live ^^

 

destroyers are certainly alot of fun, have managed to avoid making any more teammates eat torpedo's,, and even managed a game with 2 torp kills (full salvo contact) that generated almost 2500xp on a defeat...

as the japanese would say at this historical point in time... KAMIKAZE!

[Boevebeest]

My download is at 95%, every goddamn post on this forum makes me so excited I don't even... I mean I'm an old gamer and I don't remember when I was so hyped for any game. 

 

BTW, which nation is more noob friendly? What are the major differences between the two? The most general characteristics, like in WOT: USA - tough turrets, weak hulls, gun depression. Russian: big damage, average penetration, good armor etc...

 

For what I know with my limited experience.

 

BB's are the most forgiving class to play and learn in. IJN only for now.

 

DD's are the hardest class to master. The big difference between the INJ and US is the armament. IJN has longer range slower torpedo's(can be launched out of spotting range), but horrible guns. USN has short range torpedo's, very hard to launch effectively because you have to get within secondary gun range, but better armor and guns.

Both can be oneshotted by almost everything the same tier. Very low health.

For beginners not the thing I think.

 

Cruisers.

Most versatile ships in my opinion and most fun to play.

Big difference is that USN has high rof and loads of guns with lower alpha, IJN less guns with bad traverse but higher alpha.

It is beta so be up for some nerfs and buffs in the lines, they need some work.

 

CV's.

Highly tactical and in no way to be compared with other classes(nor arty in wot).

Not my cup of tea, thus can't help you there.

USN only for now.

 

I think new players should start of in cruisers and BB's.

There are cruisers that have torps btw, good to learn to use them.

[Vikingnewt]

going to start moving all useful information up to the top, and brick - i think ill test what youve been saying just to see if its true!

 

is rum in my coffee a good start to the day? yes.

[eidias]

I've decided I'm not even going to touch my premium ships until I have researched regular ships of the same tier and class. I think playing in them as an out and out noob would be the same as buying a Löwe in WoT with only 50 battles under my belt. We see it all the time but the only pwople who get anything out of that is the opposition.

 

I secided that even as I bought them.  What I wanted was access to the CBT.

 

 

respect

 

so a finnish guy on my team ate my torpedo, then i ate his. and now we are friends! betalove!

 

brokeback mountain sea version

Loved your post btw